It has begun (cue the Mortal Kombat music). Upon receiving news of the tsunami in Japan every pseudo bleeding heart and spurious do-gooder with a Facebook or Twitter account took to the Internet to help the only way they know how. “Please pray for Japan” is a phrase that’s been splattered across every social networking site or blog for days now, and if you’re ready for me to join that crowd – you’re either new here or have missed my aim completely.
If you want to pray for Japan, or any cause for that matter, go ahead. I wont shit on your right to do nothing, hell, I’m about as lazy as they come – but I’m not lying to myself about it. If I told you that doing cartwheels will directly increase your hospitalized father’s health but I couldn’t prove it or produce any evidence whatsoever throughout history that suggests cartwheels equal an improvement in health, would you do it? The answer to that question is “no”, in case you’re wondering. If you thought, even for a second, that it might be “yes” or even let your mind slip for a mere passing moment to a place wherein cartwheels bring about good health… please find the nearest heavy, blunt object and smash yourself in the face with it until you understand what a fucking moron you are. Praying does nothing, and that is a fact. If you think otherwise – please prove it, the contact me section works perfectly. People were praying for world peace before the twin towers were decimated and a new war was started. Darfur’s been on the world’s prayer radar for years but genocide is still as rampant there as illiteracy in the south. “Peace in the Middle East” has seemingly drawn prayers forever and I even think people prayed for the Wisconsin budget bill not to be passed before it was signed. Just like breast cancer awareness month, tragedies like this are unfortunately a great way for people to feel great about themselves while doing jack shit.
Money helps, period (or volunteering, but this message is aimed at the people who can’t even find the energy to type their credit card number into a website, so all you volunteers need not apply). If you’re not donating money because you’re worried that it might be a scam, you’re not fooling anybody.
I’m going to refuse to do the laundry because I’m afraid I’ll pull a hamstring… see how stupid that sounds?
Google it, you pathetic assholes. You can find an app to give you turn-by-turn directions to a black market whorehouse and program a remote control that turns on your shower, but you can’t figure out which charities are real? Give me a fucking break.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Wish I had the balls to write this.This is exactly the sort of sentiment I felt on Friday (and still feel that way today). Praying seems to put the onus on “God”, and relieves any feelings of guilt. All those that feel praying is the answer should be ashamed of themselves. You wanna make a difference??? Hop on a plane with your luggage packed with supplies and water, and go help these people, or text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 from your phone….. You don’t even have to get off your ass!! I don’t have the means to go help in the relief effort, but I did donate.
Right?! Think of all the stupid fucking things you’ve probably spent $10 on in your lifetime. I think I’ve spent $10 on accident before for christ’s sake.
Hell, if nothing else, think about it as $10 that you can write off on next year’s taxes, if you itemize.
I completely agree, ‘ACTUALLY’ do something if you want to do something good (donating or volunteering), don’t do something that achieves literally, physically, scientifically nothing and makes ‘YOURSELF’ feel happy (prayer) about it.
So I guess the 9.0 earthquake, tsunami, and subsequent nuclear meltdown resulting in tens of thousands of lost lives, those were all part of God’s divine plan? For those of you who say yes answer me this: Why is this “god” worthy of your thanks, praise and adoration? Why is this invisible man in the sky whom you have no demonstrable evidence even exists, not only worthy of your praise, but held as the most important thing in your life?
@Bill — Hope. It gives people hope.
Have at it!
“It” = God?
Prayer. God. Jelly Beans. Whatever…
I’d pray to jelly beans, for sure. Only if that means I’d get to go to Jelly Belly Factory to do my thing. Jelly bean communion would be the absolute shit. Besides, catholic church is easily the most boring way to spend an hour of your life – hands down (unless of course the priest just spills his guts about all the boy ass he’s been slamming, I’d tape that shit on my phone and hold it ransom for a huge offer from Deadspin or TMZ or something). Also, if we were at the Jelly Belly Factory I’d imagine they probably have some crazy “Wizard of Oz” style music playing the whole time, which makes the fact that I’d be fucking hammered that much better. Plus we could eat all the god damn jelly beans we wanted and not pay a fucking dime’s worth of taxes!! Good call on jelly bean religion. I’m calling dibs on being the pope though, only I’m gonna have to come up with a better name because “the pope” is synonymous with corruption and homosexuals. “Grand Jelly Master” “Biggie Jelly B”? Whatever, I’ll work on it.
LMFAO!!!!! See what jelly beans bring!!!! HOPE!!
Hope. False hope, but that notwithstanding, what’s so great about hope that you’d worship the thing you get hope from & insist it’s the most important thing in your life?
Nick, i agree 100% . Did you see what I started doing? To encourage people who wouldn’t normally give I’m collecting money to give to Red Cross and giving people origami cranes in exchange. I’m making nothing. Actually, if anything I am paying for this, but like you I don’t think praying does anything. Sure, hope yes but they need food and houses and clothes. At least this way people can pray at their new crane after giving cold hard cash.
Check it out. I’m stopping at $1000 which will be here soon!
http://www.susanfujiki.com/2011/03/cranes-for-japan.html
@cranesforjapan
I absolutely did! And actually right now I’m trying to get a March Madness tournament started with 90% of all money going to a donation via Red Cross or PayPal’s donation services. $5 per bracket (or more if people are so inclined) and the winner gets the donation made in his/her name (and 10%). I waited a bit too long, but this post got so much attention that I feel like I need to try and do something with it.
http://www.retortnation.com/2011/03/16/bracketsforjapan/